Am I awake?

I hate it when I have a really vivid dream, where everything seems real, and I wake up in the middle, and have absolutely no idea if any of what I just dreamt actually happened. It’s a disturbing feeling; you have to get your wits together, survey your surroundings, figure out where exactly you are and try to remember what exactly you were thinking about. All that takes a couple minutes, and those minutes can be among the most confusing of your life.

This happened to me a few years back. I was having this really vivid dream that my dog had just died. I was devastated, cause I loved my dog. We ended up having to bury her in the backyard. It was at that point that I woke up to my dog licking my face. But I was still convinced that she was dead. I started freaking out, screaming, “Oh shit! Zombie dog! She’s trying to eat my brains!” and kicking furiously. As it turns out, dogs are not well built to survive a fall from a second story window.

But I try not to focus on the sad side of things; I stay positive. That was the night I realized I don’t have dreams; I have visions. I am clairvoyant. Now whenever I’m sleeping and I have a really vivid vision, I wake up and I know what to expect that day. Like if I have a premonition about being stabbed in the back by a leprechaun before he jumps back in his DeLorean with Doc and Marty and speeds off back to the future, I know to avoid little people that day. If I’m walking down the street that day, and I see a midget coming my way, I act nonchalant; I don’t want to give myself away. And then, just as he’s about to pass me, I kick him in the head and run off screaming, “You ain’t stabbing me Lucky! I’m on to you!”

Some skeptics claim I’m not clairvoyant, I’m just an asshole. But my response to that is simple; I’m still alive, aren’t I? I think I’ve proved my point.