Illegal Immigration

I strongly believe that we need to erect a wall along the border between the United States and Mexico. Most people don’t see me taking this side, but I am. I’m not trying to keep the Mexicans out; I love the Mexicans. They’re so festive. You bring some Mexicans into a neighborhood, pretty soon that area is colorful, it’s throwing the best block parties, it’s got hot Latin rhythms playing 24 hours a day... No, I want to keep Americans out of Mexico. Every year, thousands of white Americans travel south of the border so they can get cheap liquor, cheap drugs, cheap prostitutes and gonorrhea, and then they end up dying from some combination and it just makes Mexico look bad. We need to stop this ridiculous shit at once; white people have absolutely no idea how to control themselves in someone else’s backyard.

So we put a fence up at the border, but we dig tunnels on the Mexican side so they have access. But I think, just for a lark, we should make the tunnels go to a variety of different places. We wouldn’t label the tunnels, it would pretty much be a crapshoot which tunnel any particular Mexican wound up with. “Alright, San Jose! Mi familia is here!” “Awww, fucking Milwaukie? Pinche gringos...” This will help us spread out the Mexican influence over America. If people in the North are going to bitch about illegal immigration, let’s at least give them a reason.

I wouldn’t stop there though. I’d have the occasional tunnel lead up to Vancouver, BC or Saskatchewan or wherever. Canada does not have nearly enough Mexican influence. If they did, their Mexican food wouldn’t suck so much. This is a country that is convinced a taco has marinara sauce on it. Canadians were ecstatic when Taco Bell opened their first store in Toronto, because they finally had authentic Mexican cuisine.

I think the real reason white people get so bothered by illegal immigration is because they know what can happen. The last time a group of people immigrated to this continent and took up residency, they slaughtered everyone who lived here or forced them to live on the shitty land that nobody wanted. Immigrants clearly pose a legitimate threat! Yeah, it was our forefathers, so what? Do we want the Chicanos doing that to us? Fuck no cabrón! This is America dammit! We only stand for genocide when we’re doling it out! That’s our right as Americans. Fucking imbeciles...